An Open Letter Myself. A Year Ago.

Dear Me,

I know you’re hurting. A lot. It feels like you just can’t win. You keep losing people and I hate to be that guy . . . but it’s about to get worse. Prairie Care is going to suck. Bad. But it’s over before you know it.

You’re going to meet a super awesome friend. So that’s exciting. But then he’s going to die. And so are a few other people but trust me, you learn to numb it out.

You’re going to hit rock bottom.

And rock bottom is going to hurt. And I don’t mean hurt as in pain that is emotional and mental. I mean real, physical pain. Your heart is going to be so sick of hurting that the rest of your body is going to try take it’s pain away and you’re going to think that there are ways to stop the pain but know that there is not. There’s no way to stop the pain except to wait. Give yourself some time. I swear it gets better. I pinky promise.

You probably won’t believe me when I say this but a year from right now you are feeling joy: real, pure, genuine JOY. You will be able to smile without forcing it. You’re going to laugh more than you have in a really long time. You’re going to feel everything even more deeply than you are now but it’s a good thing.

It’s finally a good thing.

Oh yeah, and you are going to graduate. Hallelujah, right?! You’re technically not going to find out until two weeks before the day of graduation and you’re going to cry a lot leading up to that but just know you’re almost there!

I know it feels like you’re losing a lot of people. To death, but also to just . . . to life.

But in the next year, you’re going to meet so many new people. People that matter and people that love you. Permanent people, not just temporary people. It sounds bizarre, I know but they are literally the most amazing people and you are so blessed.

In the next year, you’re going to learn more about yourself than every before. Not only are you going to learn that you’re a feeler, but you’re also going to accept it. You’re going to learn that you actually love people. People are going to become your inspiration. You’re going to try new things and fail. But girl, you’re not even going to care because that’s what life is for.

You’re going to be okay.

I know it doesn’t seem possible right now and it probably won’t for awhile but just lay it in God’s hands. He’s going to save you, Mary.

Don’t forget to pray.

You really,  truly are going to be okay. 

Lots of love,

Your future self. In a year.



Thank you so much to anyone who is reading my blog I really, really appreciate it. If you’re enjoying it, toss in a like & maybe even a comment!

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I also really, really want to hear what you guys want to read. You’re my biggest inspiration right now so send me your thoughts, I want to hear!

Thanks a bunches.

All the X’s and O’s,






The Word “Can’t” and How It’s Harming You

I deal with so. many. mental blocks.

Especially when it comes to this blog.

I don’t know why but a part of me doesn’t want to just write a post about quotes that inspire me or my bucket list.

I want to write something more intentional and something more meaningful in the way that maybe I can truly inspire others.

I’ve been doing a lot of research on blogging and how to kick start. I’ve even looked up blog post ideas because I don’t want to run out of ideas but I don’t want to blog all of the trendy things. I don’t care about blog traffic if it means that I’m writing about something that won’t even impact another persons life.

I know this is just mental blockage because I’ve seen it before and I know that I do have crap I want to spill out into words but man- it’s so hard right now.

Anyway, this post is going to be focusing on mental blocks and barriers and how you can overcome them by just being you.

I’m a “can’t” person. I really, truly am. Throughout the day, I often say I can’t do something- especially in math class.

The word ‘can’t’, in itself, is a mental barrier.

In my last post, I talked a lot about how our universe will hustle to whatever you are saying to it.

When you say “I can’t do this”, your universe is all:

joey tribbiani whatever GIF

If you’re struggling with something, and you take a deep breathe and whisper to yourself, “I can do this”, your universe is more likely to respond and hustle to get there for you. The power of speech and what you are physically saying plays such an important role in overcoming mental barriers because the only way mental blocks can even be present if you believe and allow them to be present.

Saying out loud that you C A N do something or that you are something, is the first step to overcoming that barrier.

I know this sounds so cheesy, but the quote “believe in yourself” is actually one of the most pertinent quotes in my life when it comes to overpowering mental barriers that I am carrying along with myself

Example: if you don’t solely, genuinely, T R U L Y believe that you can lost 40 pounds, How are you going to lose 40 pounds? If you can’t allow yourself to imagine yourself at the mental state you would be in if you lost those 40 pounds, you won’t lose those 40 pounds- simply because you are letting the mental blockage win.

Here’s a real life example from my life.

Because I deal with a lot of depression and anxiety in my life, it is very easy for me to hear my alarm and say “I can’t doooo thisss”. It is. I used to do this all the time. Because I was thinking that, and even sometimes saying it out loud, I was hurting myself and my universe was going all Joey Tribbiani on me again. By saying or thinking those words, I was physically giving my universe and myself permission to not have to do anything that day.

As soon as you can turn your cants into cans, you’re going to be on your way. Trust me.

Now, everything I have just said is way easier said then done. When you’re at a place where you want to lose 40 pounds, you’re most likely not happy where you are and that’s why you want to lose that weight. When you’re at that mental state, it’s really hard to be positive and imagine losing that weight.

When I used to say “I can’t do this” every morning, I really, truly thought I couldn’t do it. I honestly thought I couldn’t get through the day, and that was the biggest challenge.

To get to a point where you are able to firmly say “I can do this”, you N E E D to W A N T to be there. If you want to lose 40 pounds, you need to W A N T to lost those pounds. You need to truly, truly B E L I E V E that you C A N lose those 40 pounds. Because, girl, you’re universe hears everything. Your universe knows if you’re lying to it and yourself and it’s gonna be all:

donald trump GIF by Election 2016


Anyway, that whole post was a ramble but, I hope it made sense.

If you want something, and you really want it. You can have it- you really can. But you have to believe you can have it. You have to overcome that barrier of “can’t” and shove some passion behind and things will go as Y O U want them to.

Once there is some passion within you, no matter what you want, if you can show passion then your universe will be a little more like this: (ignore the profanity… or dont)


neil degrasse tyson we got a badass over here GIF


Looking back on things that you wanted to set aside because you were too worried you couldn’t do it? Does this make sense? Now can you recognize that maybe you weren’t putting the passion behind it that it needed? Were you allowed your mental barriers to weigh you down?


With all of that being said, I’m not perfect. I still have to remind myself this all the time. I use the word “can’t” way too often still; in work, school, and on this blog. We are human. Life’s scary and we like to be comfortable.

Thank you for reading!

All the X’s and O’s,


Always remind yourself of this.



Let’s Talk About the Law of Attraction

I am so excited to be back on the Blogging Boat.

In the next few “first” posts, I’m going to briefly touch on a few things that have changed my life and still are changing my life.

Law of Attraction . . .

The Law of Attraction is defined as this,

“The name given to the maxim “like attracts like”  which in New Thought Philosophy is used to sum up the idea that by focusing on positive and negative thoughts a person brings positive and negative experiences into their life”

Now, I’m no professional- I haven’t even dug up a ton of research works but- let’s talk about how I am allowing the Law of Attraction to fall into my life and improve it for the better.

How many people out there aren’t morning people? I am not. I love my sleep. I need my sleep. You know that moment when your alarm clock rings and you literally just feel that sinking feeling of dread? So you groan and roll over, and probably press snooze a few times? Yeah, I am very familiar with that scene.

Now how about this, you wake up, groan, trip on your way to the bathroom, turn on the water and it’s way too cold and you just wanna go. back. to. bed? Yeah, I know that too. It’s just a real-life series of unfortunate events.

That real-life series of unfortunate events? That’s actually your personal universe responding to your vibrations.

Sounds nuts, I know.

But picture this. I wake up in the morning- I don’t feel great, I know that I don’t love mornings. But, instead of mumbling and grumbling, I state “today will be a GOOD day”. I get out of bed, make my bed, turn on some music, etc. Things so smoother right? You might even turn your water on and it might just be warm?


Your universe hustles.

When you affirm something (out loud) and truly believe it and know it, your universe is like “heck YEAH, let’s do this thing!” When you hear that alarm and mumble, your universe thinks, “huh? yeah, me too. Blah.”

Your universe is your biggest supporter. If you can send out “good vibes”, your universe feels that, and reciprocates that into your life and your day. When you send out “bad vibes”, your universe is going to hustle to reciprocate, thinking that, because you are sending out those vibes, you want those vibrations bounced back to you- and that’s what’s going to happen.

Crazy, right?

You know that saying, “You’re killin’ my vibe” or “Quit killin’ on my vibe”? Those are directly pertaining to what the Law of Attraction is trying to define. If you are having a good day, and you run into someone who isn’t and they whine and complain, it kind of interrupts your universe a little bit. They drag you down, and then there’s a whole mess of vibrations.

Now, just from what I’ve written, you can probably tell how much that can change a person’s life. But let’s talk about the people in our life for a minute.

When you start practicing the Law of Attraction and letting it into your life, you start to realize the people in your life and the negative vibes that they carry with them. It got to a point where I could feel a person’s negative or positive vibrations just walking past them in the grocery store or at the bank. From there, I began to realize that I have so many people in my life that have negative vibes every time I’m around them. I knew that if I wanted to keep being happy and living my best, I needed to get rid of these people. I needed to keep them at a negative distance where their negative vibrations couldn’t interfere with my positive vibrations.

I did this and my life shifted dramatically. I started hanging out with people whose universes were positive and hustling to have a happy life. I never thought I would be hanging out with the people I am now, but here I am . . . Forever changed.

I used to let the anxiety and depression in my life define me. I used to let them take over my universe. And as you can imagine, nothing positive came from that. Looking back at it, when I was in the deepest part of mental illness I could be, and I was accepting that I was going to be like this forever, I was friends with people who had very similar issues. I would wallow in the sadness and depression with them- Why? Because my vibrations that were being sent out drew in people with the same dark universes as I.

When I finally was able to tell myself that the anxiety and depression that I felt weren’t mine, and that they didn’t define me, my universe was like HALLELUJIAH I don’t have to deal with them every day anymore because she doesn’t WANT to anymore.

If you WANT to be happy, you WILL be happy. Tell yourself every morning that you ARE happy. If you fiercely believe that you want to be happy and you keep telling yourself that is a place that you can be, your universe will hustle to get there. Trust me.

Okay- that was everywhere. I’m sorry about that. If you have any questions or want to correct me on something- be sure to let me know!

Please like this if you want to read more content like this, I’m now finding my balance on the blogging scale and I love to talk about this kind of stuff so you are interested, I need to know; I could write a whole novel on how this works and how it has affected my life!

Leave me a comment on how you feel about this. I know it’s weird and kind of crazy hippy like but trust me, it’s a thing.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

All the X’s and O’s,